Well, we’ve made it to 35 weeks, guys. And I am going to be honest, it has been a bit rough. Overall, I feel like I really can’t complain about my pregnancy so far – I’m still sleeping through the night (Thank you, Jesus! except for a couple of weeks when I got sick with a cold), I’m achy but not too bad (thank you, chiropractor!) and I can still put my own shoes on and touch my toes (I count that as a win). But let me be honest, this getting huge thing isn’t my thing. Seeing my body grow and grow and grow every single week has been really difficult. At the beginning it was fun – having a little belly was adorable and I fully embraced it. But then the rest of my body started catching up, and really, at this point, I don’t know how it is possible for my stomach and butt to keep getting bigger. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. I still have 5-7 weeks to go and while most people think that isn’t long, it sounds like an eternity to me. That’s a whole lot of growing left to do and I’m just trying to somehow prepare myself emotionally. I spent most of my high school and college years fighting to be skinny. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I finally sought help for an eating disorder that had taken over most of my teenage years. Thankfully, with the help of God and many professionals I was able to find a way out of that hole. But I always wondered what pregnancy would be like. I always knew I wanted to be pregnant, but at the same time I was already really scared that pregnancy would bring back some of those demons from my past. In a way, it has. If I am being completely honest, seeing that number on the scale grow has been devastating. I have fought tears as I catch my reflection and realize my body isn’t what it used to be. I am thankful for the many years of therapy and the many tools I acquired through it (I am a firm believer EVERYONE could use some therapy in their lives). I don’t think I would have been able to keep my sanity through this otherwise. There has been lots of self talk, and venting to others, and back to self-talk. Part of me feels incredibly ungrateful and selfish to be feeling this way. After all, this is the baby I spent a year and a half praying and crying over. I wanted this. I asked for it. I should be grateful, and I am. I really really really am. I am forever grateful for this tiny baby growing inside of me. I am fully aware that while my body will never be the same, neither will my life, and I am ok with that. More than ok, I am so excited about it. I know the pounds and body changes will not matter to me at all once I hold my baby for the first time. I will be having to remind myself of this daily for the next 5-7 weeks as I try to embrace my ever growing figure.

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